is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
