now i know why i became what i already was.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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