Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
