Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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