i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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