There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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