I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Blood and glitter go together right?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
