i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
