he puts the penis in happiness.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
