Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
