I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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