That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
40s are totally the cure
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Randomize
