Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
