yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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