my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
