You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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