The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
