fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
