I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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