It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have aggressive nipples.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
