so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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