i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
