1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
