I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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