I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
is wine microwaveable?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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