Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
