Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
