I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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