it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
