the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I came so hard my ears popped.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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