i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
