My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
