I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
