A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
