Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
