so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
