Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
