hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
