Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
