So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
