I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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