On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
