Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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