her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
