She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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