I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
