she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
