How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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