Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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