Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Oh god it's open bar.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
