Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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