Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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