piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
