if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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