Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Randomize
