tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
How's work?
Spinning.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
